Delirity

I come from an old family. Not a family of old blood that traces its roots back to before time started, but a family consisting primarily of older adults. Because of this I had a different experience growing up than most people I know and it has shaped how I look at family.

I was raised in a household that consisted of my mom and my grandparents. My grandma had been diagnosed with a lung disease long before I was born and was quite ill most of the time I was alive. Growing up I watched my grandpa take care of her… and when she was doing well I went with her to visit my great-grandma who was living in various nursing facilities in the area (sometimes the home of a caregiver, other times convalescent homes). I grew up hearing about The Hemlock Society… my grandmother was a firm believer in death with dignity and even once spoke on a talk show about the choices people have when they have a terminal disease.

When I was young I occasionally spent a few weeks of my summer with my aunt and uncle in Wisconsin. When I would go to Wisconsin to visit my aunt and uncle for part of the summer (only for a few years when I was young, but it made an impression), we would go visit my aunt Mil (my great great aunt) in her assisted living apartment. Moomie took care of all her affairs for years… even while she was caring for her own mother (my great grandma) in her home (but that was mainly before I was born).

My early years were spent around family where most people were already over 60. I went in and out of hospitals and convalescent homes with ease. Need some help walking? I was there to be a crutch. It even led me to volunteering in a convalescent home with dementia patients when I was in high school.

Does anyone wonder why, with such a small and aging family, I would go to Wisconsin to see my aunt Moomie when she’s just found out she has cancer? I’ve gotten a little bit of crap for it here at school. It’s certainly only come from people who don’t understand my family structure or my background and who don’t have similar ideas in regards to family. Still, I find it frustrating that anyone would protest my choice to visit a dying relative and somehow seem to claim that it would have been more appropriate if I had gone back for a funeral than having gone back to see her while she’s still cognizent. But I know enough about myself not to question my action or my beliefs about the support family members need and deserve from each other.

Jesse got in to chiropractic school at Western States! Yay! Go sweetie go!

My family has always been small. It’s just me, my mom, my grandpa, my great aunt and my great uncle. Occasionally my uncle and cousin might call, or my other great aunt might call… but they’re not really included because we never have any way to contact them. Last week I went back to Wisconsin with my mom to spend some time with Moomie and Rex. Moomie just found out that she’s got cancer and that she’s only got a few months left. My family members are all older, so Moomie getting sick signifies one thing for me: the beginning of the disintegration of my family.

At the same time I felt my family starting to slip away, I got an e-mail. The e-mail was from a woman who is looking for my “dad” for his 4 brothers. They haven’t seen or heard from him in the past 40 years. They know nothing about me. They know nothing about my mom. They know nothing about his other wives/children. It’s odd, but at the same time it seems like a way to find more family if I decide I want it. So I e-mailed the woman back. So far I haven’t heard anything… but I’m waiting.

To make this whole growing family thing get even larger, I asked my aunt to help me sketch out a family tree since she’s always been so good about corresponding with people. To my surprise I discovered more living family members, though certainly they’re people I know nothing about (they’re connected through my great grandmother’s siblings). It may sound funny, but it’s nice to have an idea that there are other family members out there. I don’t feel a compulsion to know these people or correspond with them, but I like to be able to acknowledge that they’re out there.

Knowing about all these people, I see how important it is to keep up contact with whatever family you have… otherwise through the years and generations people get lost.

Due to my 2 week break from school I’m now more behind in my work than I had planned to be. I was on track to have an easy end of semester and now it’s going to be non-stop work. But I can finish my classes… I will not take an incomplete unless I absolutely have to… I’d really rather not be doing work over break.

My (great) aunt “Moomie” just found out she has lung cancer and that it has spread to her brain. It’s not looking too promising… they’re only able to do a few radiation treatments and no chemo due to her age. So, Tuesday morning my mom and I are heading out to Wisconsin (I’m going to freeze!) to visit my aunt and help take care of things around the house for my uncle.

I’ll be back at some point.